One of the most insidious things about racism and prejudice is that it can be invisible to people who aren't its target.
For several years i used to live in the Shadyside neighborhood in Pittsburgh with my former partner Jim, who is black. i'm one of those folks who love to shop - a regular retail therapy queen though i've learned to keep my spending under control. Jim hated shopping so usually i was on my own.
There was a nearby toy store on Walnut Street in which i loved to browse since they had so many unusual toys, some of which i couldn't resist. Those would end up as gifts for my niece and nephew. i'd been shopping there frequently for a couple of years, often just browsing without making a purchase and the staff was always friendly & helpful.
One day Jim and i were taking a walk through the neighborhood when we came abreast of the toy store. Somehow i talked Jim into stopping in to take a look around. It took me a minute or two to notice, but suddenly i was aware that we weren't being treated anywhere near the way the staff usually treated me. Instead, the very same people who were usually friendly, smiling & helpful were giving us dirty looks, closely following us around the store, repeatedly asking Jim "Can I help you" in a tone that was clearly insulting and obviously meant to communicate "You're not welcome here." After a few minutes of this i was livid. Jim persuaded me to just leave the store without confronting any of the store's staff.
i had never witnessed them treating anyone else like that before. Later i realized that i also had never seen any black people in that store before.
Now i knew why black folks didn't shop there. If i hadn't been accompanied by a black man that day i would never had any idea that the staff was racist.
Over the 17 years that Jim & i were together as a couple, and even since now that we're just friends, i've borne witness to many odd little ways in which people enforce racial differences. It's not even conscious on their part, or so i've concluded.
It became a joke for us that anytime we'd walk together in public, we'd invariably hear car doors lock as we pass by and women would suddenly clutch their purses tighter when we pass. When out walking by myself those events were so rare as to be practically nonexistent.
i've learned to accept, to a degree, that some waiters/waitresses, store clerks, bartenders, etc., won't wait on Jim. Or that, even when Jim arrives first, they pointedly choose to wait on other (white) customers first. Since Jim doesn't make a big deal about it, i'm sure that sometimes it happens and i'm just not aware of it. Just based on when i am aware of it, i can say that it happens all too frequently.
Sometimes when i'm out & about and suddenly realize that i've never seen
any people of color in the store, restaurant or other business i'm frequenting, i wonder - would i be treated differently here if i were black? The truth often is, i just don't know. i'm not the target of that particular flavor of racism, so much of the time it's invisible to me.
Here's what i've come to think: if you're in a big group of people and they all look like you, there's a reason; it might not be an immoral reason, but there's still a reason nonetheless.